Let me start off by saying that my Postpartum Depression is very mild and I have officially been on Zoloft for about a month now and what a change I have seen in myself. I don't think bad thoughts about my son or I, I don't want to hurt myself and I don't cry 24/7... I think the main component of my PPD is the fact that my life changed dramatically after having Derek (just like every other mom/dads did) and when I got pregnant I never wanted to have children and I was not preparing myself to be a mom like many others probably were. So when I found out I was pregnant surprisingly I was SUPER excited but still super selfish. I am filled with so much love every single day for this little dude and I am so happy that he is in my life but there are some days where I find myself wanting to spend hundreds of dollars on myself on new clothes.. etc and I know that I cannot do that. The hardest thing is now balancing my social life with my life with the baby. None of my close friends have children so that also makes it hard to connect with them the way that I used to be able to, all of them however have been extremely supportive but they don't understand what I am going through. Then there are some days where I wish I could be out with my friends on those Tuscaloosa Saturday nights, I wish I could go to Alabama football games and sit in the student section and sneak flasks in under our dresses like the good old days. Sometimes my college friends will text me and tell me to "come back to Tuscaloosa" and when I get those messages I know that I am missed but it doesn't help all of those feelings coming back to me and it definitely doesn't help with adjusting to my new life. The hardest thing is adjusting... Some people adjust well and others do not. I am a work in progress.
I cant even begin to understand how hard it must be for all of those girls on 16 and Pregnant to balance everything. Because if it has been hard on me being 21... It has to be hard on those girls who are far more immature.
Everyday I am feeling much better and I am finding myself being able to handle all of the obstacles of being a mom 150X better! And as I am writing this Derek is playing in his rain forest jumperoo just giggling away! He is the best little guy ever :) I am blessed.
I will probably post more about PPD when I feel it necessary or if I am just having one of those days where I have to vent.
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